We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
