be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
