do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
