i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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