Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
