I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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