I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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