I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
