I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
