I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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