Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
