i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
