Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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