I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we're making bets on your personal life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
