I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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