I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
