Duck Duck Cougar?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize