I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
