I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
