4 words: hood of his car
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
