If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude. I can hear the air.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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