time to smoke my breakfast
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
