Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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