textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
