Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
