If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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