I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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