made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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