I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
