I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
