Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
