I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
