Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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