so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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