The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
