I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
