After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did i walk over a car last night?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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