The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
