When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
