my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When are your genitals available?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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