My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back