I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits