I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Four minutes until I can fart!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.