I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass