Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans