mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure