when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
