Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
