i don't like sucking hair
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
