I am puke
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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