went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
