Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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