I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
