being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
