Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
