I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
