Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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