Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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