I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
