I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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