The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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