She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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