hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
