Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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