so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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