we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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