What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
