no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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