tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
