i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
