every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
