I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
