In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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