She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
