Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize