shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im part way to drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
