A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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