Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
