So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
