i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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