i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
