just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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