Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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