Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
