so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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