So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
