cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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