the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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